Imagine. Destroy. Decide. Believe.

age of the fall

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I want to hate you so bad..but I can't
I suppose 37 weeks is a long time....

I should probably find something to eat today, considering it's 5:03 PM. I'll get around to it. I went yet another New Year's Eve without someone to kiss. No surprise there. I had Tyson from the All-American Rejects refer to me as Jesus during their concert last November. Then before going into "Mona Lisa" he dedicated the song to anyone who was in love. Heh. I got to see Austin Aries vs. Jimmy Jacobs in a blood-soaked Dog Collar Match live however also. Wrestling makes me really happy.

"Maybe I'll greet sunlight after all... I'm sorry."

I haven't done much writing this year. Maybe I'm just keeping my emotions to myself a lot more, I'm unsure. Or maybe the same problems keep re-appearing and I'm still just as powerless to change them as I was a year ago this week when I basically watched her die in front of me. Only to watch her not learn any of the lessons in the past year. To where I'm now an embarrassment of a son it seems. I don't think much of myself, but I'd like to believe I'm worth more than that.

"Well you failed me too..."

It truly is amazing how much of my family I'm going to leave behind once I leave the front door for good. Maybe that's why I keep my mouth shut so much. I think that action will speak loud enough on its own. It's just a long road to get all the pieces in place for that moment to arrive. And hopefully I don't end up dead before that day arrives. We'll see.

I've got some pretty incredible friends though. I'm extremely thankful for those of you I do have in my life, who do understand me (sometimes even better than I do) Sometimes getting lost on some abandoned road going nowhere with a good friend is all I ask for in life.  

As far as wrestling goes, I've spent a LOT of time synching up various wrestling events with Dave from Chicago, and I'm pretty glad we became friends again after all the bullshit four years ago. We're almost co-dependent one another to fully enjoy a wrestling event now. It's funny. Speaking of which, we still haven't watched last weekend's ROH on HDNet...

What else is new... Ah yes, well I suppose there's a girl. A girl who does the simplest things and I find them to be the greatest things ever. It's always the smallest things people do for me that I feel bad about.. But she does them without question and I suppose it makes me feel a sense of worth, that I don't need to feel bad about asking for something. We just I suppose. I just wish we'd have the attention span to watch a movie together. Eh, there's always next time.

Also since I last updated I'm now within 45 matches of finishing this 80's Memphis project, problem is..I've got 4 days to finish it! I'm such a bad slacker for the past month. But I'm gonna haul-ass and Mainline Memphis here I come! Also in the aspect of wrestling, I feel the chemistry between me  and Andrew Davis is getting much better, but still not on par with how well I work with Sebastian Suave. Speaking of which I manage Sebastian against Angel DeGuerra this Friday night. Should be fun, and maybe I won't get my ass handed to me for the first time since..uh.. February? No, Honky beat me up then... Um, January? I think that's a safe bet. God, I need to stop getting my ass kicked on the apron.

I've also dove head-first into converting my VHS wrestling tapes to DVD-R's. I'm slowly getting into it. I've already done over like 110 discs. But I've still got a long ways to go, and I indexed my data DVD-R's of wrestling to realize I've got... 715 discs... x 4.3 GB each = 3,074.5 GB of wrestling.... Oh dear.

Musically, I can't get enough ot Scar Symmetry at the moment. Fucking incredible melodic death metal band, who unfortunately had their singer quit last summer, and I'm such a fan of his voice, it saddens me. Also check out some fucking Owl City. Happiest music I think I've EVER heard in my life, it just takes me to this different atmosphere.

Let's see what I've got coming up.....

June 30th: Behemoth concert
July 15th: Summer Slaughter tour concert
July 24th: Ring of Honor live wrestling
July 25th: Ring of Honor live wrestling
August 6th: I TURN 24.  .... oh god.
Mid-August: Taking Back Sunday concert

Should be a fun fucking summer, and I hope to see lots of Daniela.

Oh also since I last wrote in this journal.... I cut off seven inches of my hair in November (actually I lost the hair to Brutus the Barber Beefcake) but thankfully I'm getting some length back. DEATH METAL!

As much as I think Dave (GCW) is a sleazebag... I'm gonna miss the amount of fun I had last summer driving up and down the highways and learning so much about that little town called Strathroy. Such a fun summer last year. I hope this year is just as good, but I'm gonna need some new experiences. Any suggestions???
That's all for now.

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Glad to hear you're doing relatively well. =)

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