Imagine. Destroy. Decide. Believe.

age of the fall

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2 months
So this feeling doesn't seem to be getting any better.
Sometimes if I try really hard.. I don't think of it as much.
But when I do, it seems the weight of the world is placed again on my shoulders.

I still feel so foolish for letting my heart get wrapped into something that was obviously so fake.

She left and she's not coming back. And as hard as that is to say, I need to believe it. Eventually.

I knew I loved her this much, but I was again in denial, because I knew it'd scare her off again... Looks like I didn't even need to tell her, for her to run.

I've started to come to terms with the fact I did nothing to deserve this. I've had enough people,. who understood the situation, tell me the same. Especially during my lowest points. And it helps. It's calming and makes me not want to hate myself as much as I have lately.

Yet this voice in my head is screaming "Why weren't you perfect enough for her?" I guess because I'm just not perfect. And the sooner I become okay with that, I guess I'll feel better.

She's been gone 2 months, and she hasn't looked back. Ashley was right.. I won't hate her. It's just not inside me.

Why did I get mixed up with a jealous, immature 18 year old? I really should have known better. I think that's why I keep kicking myself. I -SHOULD- have fucking known... But no, somewhere in my head I was convinced that she was the most gorgeous girl in the entire world, and I say that with 100% honesty. But it'd never be enough for her. She thought I wanted other girls, when I truly didn't.

I've got some really good friends, and I'm grateful each and every day. No matter how whiny I may get some nights. They listen and talk me through it. I know somewhere inside I'll get over this. It's just a matter of when...

And as Gregory House always told me... "Everybody lies." Well I guess I should have seen this lie coming.

.... I need to stop letting my inner child make decisions for me.


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