Imagine. Destroy. Decide. Believe.

age of the fall

Look out the window and it's all gone away.
Standing here hoping for the end of today.
You don't want to see just what I've become
Secretly proven by the disappearing sun.

For it is you who gave me all of this pain.
Hating the source from which it all came.
Look at me and view the small hole.
Now reach inside and take grasp of my soul.

I prefer spending days here in the shade
Sitting here quiet, alone and afraid.
You grabbed my heart and implanted a thorn.
Now I'm dreading the day that I'm reborn.

This future of mine will never survive
We will do what you say for the rest of our lives
I keep getting taught the things I'll never learn
Leave us alone, in hell we burn.

Searching all my life for truth
While slowly feeling stripped of my youth
I've given up hope, not believing in fate
Only I can save myself, but it's already too late

Ending this life, I tried my best.
Finally I might be in eternal rest
If I must say, it's made me realize
Listen to yourself, for the rest are just lies.

I wrote that seven years ago, I just stumbled across it last night  and figured I'd preserve it through this journal.
Comment if you'd like.

anywhere but here..
welcome the night
Let's see..

It's been a while, but that's okay.

I'm single yet again, but no complaints. There's many reasons why some relationships just don't work, and that's totally cool with me, I'm not upset by the decision we made, and it's likely for the best. It was a really fun six weeks and I don't regret it.

The bruising is going away finally. I've gotten even deeper into the wrestling business in the last 8 days. I've taken a lot of bumps, I've had the bruises to show for it, and it's the greatest feeling in the world to transform into Jamie Virtue, the biggest chickenshit with the biggest mouth you've ever seen. And the fact that I know my spots, I hit everything smoothly and am finally paying proper dues in this business, it's an incredible feeling and it always makes me smile inside, even when I'm yelling at some fat whore in the second row.

The DVDVR MEMPHIS 80's PROJECT begins next week. 125 matches. I'm fucking stoked~!!

Bowling For Soup fucking rock, they make me happy, so shut the fuck up.

After the personal hell I've gone through this summer, I think I'm going to just take it easy for the next 2-3 weeks, go to school, work wrestling shows, and spend some time with friends, but I'm not going to get worked up over a single thing, life's too short anyway.

My chest is finally going back to its normal colour. Awesome.

I've also watched more football in the last 3 weeks, than I did in the entire year of 2007. Fuck yeah football lethargic!

Time to watch Notre Dame @ Michigan, and drink root beer and feel pretty fucking good about life, because for all I've done wrong.. I've done a hell of a lot right.

Take care and I might actually update this regularly again..but I doubt it.

How they can make their demand
A small update..

I have seen
The Creepshow
Kris Roe (Ataris)
Judas Priest

all in the last month. and they were all FUCKING AWESOME. Especially Priest.

Still doing the wrestling promotion 3-4 days a week.

I got a bit drunk while playing pool with Ryan for my birthday, def. a fun night.

Ever notice when you're not looking for something.. it kinda creeps up and finds you?
Well I <3 Becky.
Strangely possible that she's the best girlfriend I've ever had simply because of the chemistry.
Who knows?

Oh and I now have a PVR box, which means I've already recorded an obscene amount of professional wrestling.
Fuck yeah.

I'm also the manager of the GCW Tag Team Champions, the House of Virtue.
I also have my first piece of merchandise available via GCW, the House of Virtue t-shirt. :
Let me know if you'd like to purchase one.

Had a fucking sinus infection for 2 weeks. NOT FUN.

Anyway that's it for a minor update. Leave a comment. Don't leave a comment. Fuck you.

How did we get from saying I love I'll see you 'round someday?
He laid in bed, the dim lights blinking as the numbers changed on the clock. "Another minute gone by.." he thought.. If those were his only thoughts then he'd have slept peacefully that evening.

Unfortunately his heart had other plans.

Began to wonder how long it's been since he fell asleep with someone beside him, that made his heart beat so fast that all he could do was feel alive. "I remember the night.." For it's been almost two years. A smirk forms in his lips as he knew the second his thoughts came down, everyone would assume it's the one he's already spent so much time putting a pen to paper about. But they're wrong.

It's someone else. Someone who lasted longer. A picture is worth a thousand words.

The picture he came across that night.. He wished it was only a thousand words, because they didn't stop even after his eyes closed for the night.

It almost has a sense of strangeness to him, for he's never missed someone so emotionally distanced from him for so long.
In his heart he knows it's unlikely she'll even glance at him twice anymore, no matter how much he pours his heart out.
"Maybe I should just have another shot of whiskey and it'll go away for good..."  He can hope, but nobody knows a man's heart better than himself. He knows no matter how much he drowns the pain and the questions.. This one will always be there. 

"It's like staring into a door that was never closed all the way... But why tonight?? Why right now?? I know it's going to be there no matter what I do. I've tried everything I can, and still here I am lonely. I can't even remember who I was back then. I can't even count the ways she's hurt me in the last few years, or the things she still says... Are we finally on even ground??"

So many questions. He crawls out of bed, finally coming to terms with the impossibility of sleep, no matter how much the cool air burned his eyes.

"How much is enough?" He gets this growing sense of tears coming on, yet can't find the perfect song to activate them.
"It always happens like this, doesn't it?" He thinks to himself as he grabs the bottle. It won't save him, but it's a comfort for this particular evening. "What's another night alone?"

The amount of women he threw away for this one is astronomical. He kicked himself for not realizing it all until it was too late. He was subconsciously throwing them all away.. And he finally admitted to himself how he felt about her... as the door slammed shut. Isn't it funny how life works like that?

He clutches his glass of whiskey..."If I have to get over you.. I'll do it in small, small doses.. One sip at a time."

Was it all words?

He still asks about her, no matter how subtle he tries to be, and he can't find the shoes to be Romeo one last time, because the pain in his heart tells him it just won't work.. Maybe her alcohol was just too much.. Maybe she had nobody else.. Once she did, he became a memory wishing to be forgotten.

"It feels like forever" he thinks as his throat becomes dry.. Nothing he thinks feels like it's good enough.. Even a hello would make his heart sink, so all he's got are these words and a distant sense of hope that he'll look out his back window at 3:30 tomorrow and see her happily strolling to his front door... But he knows those days are over.. And the greatest summer of his life was all because of her.

"Was I wrong in my decisions then?" More questions. There's a million miles of questions, and no answers that can seem to save him tonight..

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where everything's nothing, without you
I'd wait here forever just to,
To see you smile
'Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

Through it all
I've made my mistakes
I stumble and fall
But I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold onto this moment you know
As I'll bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Sum 41 - "With Me"

Tell my ghost - I blame him for all I don't want to know

So let's cover my entire weekend in one entry, shall we? Let's.

My sleeping pattern is officially deceased. I haven't been to school in a week and a half. I'm lucky to sleep from 7:30 AM until 12 noon. Why? Hell if I know really, just sitting around listening to music, thinking. However - this morning led to me getting a good view of the sunrise from this apartment window. So I didn't do very much Friday, however I stayed up until 7:30 AM and crashed until 9 AM.. Horrible, I know. Of course right as my head hits the pillow, an argument begins. So sleep is pointless after 6 AM in my house. Lovely, isn't it? My mother's situation is getting progressively worse and I'm beginning to convince myself she's going to wind up dead - and only she can save herself. I've tried to care. I've honestly tried, but it got me nowhere. She knows where I stand on the situation. If she wants the help, she knows where to go - and I will support her if it's more than a false promise of "I'm going to rehab tomorrow"  ..Yeah, like the last six times you said it, right?

So I wake up after another nap Saturday afternoon in hopes of getting SOME sleep before the Heaven Shall Burn concert... I hop online around 1 PM to see my friend Krystal online, and I knew she had tickets to the show, so I ask how she's getting there - and she invites me to go for the drive up with her and her brother. I gladly agree, since it beats a 75 minute train ride + 45 minute walk to the Wreck Room. 

I have a headache - bleh. I've drank too much Coke in 36 hours. I blame Ryan.

Anyway, so we listen to Dream Evil on the way up, and I'm glad I don't wear leather pants. We arrive an hour after the doors open, and of course miss only half the opening band's set. They weren't special anyway. We notice how tiny the fucking venue is, it's a bar, where the stage barely had space for amps and 5 band members. Also I was bothered by the lack of Heaven Shall Burn shirts in sizes bigger than medium. Apparently the band miscalculated the merch demand for their first North American tour in seven years. So I grabbed their "Iconoclast" allbum for $10. 

Up next was Bloodshoteye, with a female singer who certainly knew how to growl, and dare I say - gave Angela Gossow a run for her money in female death growls. Otherwise, the band didn't impress me enough to purchase anything. Up next was the number 2 reason I bought the ticket to this show... THE GHOST INSIDE. A hardcore band from California who just released their album last week (which I also promptly spent $12 on - their shirts looked like shit however) Of course the band didn't disappoint and fucking hammered the stage for about half an hour.  I was definitely pleased and had doubts about dropping the cash for the album, but the performance confirmed it for me.

Embrace the End? Ehh, they truly weren't anything special. Plus they took fucking -forever- to set up. Definitely a boring moment in the show, I almost wanted to buy a shot of Jager and pray for the time to pass. Then finally at 8 PM, Heaven Shall Burn set up their gear - and it was awesome because they're German and the guitarist speaks broken English... Which leads to many hilarious moments as he attempts to complain to the sound guy with such lines as  "Can you turn this red light (a stage light) off?" and  "Can you turn the guitars on the drums down?" My only complaint about Heaven Shall Burn is the fact that for headliners, they only played 50 minutes, and we were back in the car by 9:00 PM.  Overall worth the money I spent on the ticket. Plus, I've got two new CDs for considerably cheaper than I'd have gotten them here in Oshawa.

On the way back we stopped at Burger King in Ajax for food...and as we left one of the girls behind the counter said "bye Jeremy"  which creeped me out because I didn't recognize anyone - either that or I wasn't looking hard enough.

So since Sunday afternoon, I've been at Ryan and Tricia's. I just spend most of the time on the internet, though Ryan fell asleep on the couch last night (my fucking bed) which means I got to sleep in Tricia's mom's bed at 7:30 AM... and it was a comforting through that I knew I was going to finally sleep in peace and not be woken up by any kind of argument whatsoever. Maybe a happy family does exist somewhere? I head back home tomorrow, and I can only hope that things have improved - but I doubt it.

Ring of Honor in Toronto - July 25th.
Dethklok/Chimaira in Toronto - June 20th.

Fuck yes.


Butch Reed vs. Dick Murdoch (9/22/85) [BW-1]

The opening minutes of this one really points out that Murdoch makes Reed pay for everything he does. Murdoch counters out of the headlock pin attempt by sliding out into the hammerlock – twice. Then Reed kicks out at one and Murdoch instinctively grabs the wrist for more punishment. Reed hesitates to throw the fist, so Murdoch takes him down. Another thing this pointed out is that I have never seen anyone throw a stomp or a kick as good as Dick Murdoch, he also really cranks down on the wrist while working over the arm. Simple shit but it looks flawless. I can appreciate a ref who actually moves to a position to always see the shoulders on the mat also. Murdoch sells the death punch at 27 minutes by just flopping lifelessly through the ropes and the crowd is really into this. Reed’s had enough of getting stomped and just punches Murdoch’s face in a couple of times. Reed landed one hell of a punch that knocked Murdoch on his ass and I really love this. Murdoch transitioning from having his leg tortured to go on offense with three punches to the jaw is a work of beauty. Also Murdoch selling the left leg is incredible. This match really is 80% Dick Murdoch with Butch Reed definitely holding his own. If it wasn’t for the finish this would be my number one, that’s how much I loved it up until countout – it seemed like they just fell out for too long and continued brawling. The first 45 minutes however were damn good. However to its credit, the countout finish and the post-match brawl make me want to skip to the rematch immediately.


Ted DiBiase vs. Bob Sweetan (Taped Fist) (10/11/85) [BW-3]

DiBiase always threw a damn good punch and this here is an obvious clinic of it. Sweetan gets a lot of heat by getting his ass kicked for the first ten minutes or so. I don’t mind the commentary in this one. “What a wollop!” Haha. Awesome. Sweetan hulks up and connects with a beautiful forearm. DiBiase really knew when to sell his ass off. Nice kick off the spinning toe-hold into the corner by Sweetan with DiBiase going back first into the second turnbuckle. The second I saw DiBiase put the glove on I knew it was over – though I’ll give Sweetan credit for literally diving at the glove the moment he saw it on DiBiase’s hand. Middle of the road for me on this one.



Now, I may get a lot of heat for this section from a fat bastard I know.. but I felt the urge to elaborate on it...
"A Sense Of Purpose" - In Flames

I've listened to this album three times full in the last two days, and it's growing on me more and more. With the accompanying studio DVD it also helps in an appreciation of the album, because you get a feel for everything that went into it. However - there's also funny moments like Daniel rubbing his cock on a guitar that's signed for some fan and Anders firing Bjorn for sucking at Guitar Hero III *coincidentally it was for Take This Life haha* but yeah just this album feels like Soundtrack To Your Escape 2, simply because Come Clarity felt like more of an actual heavy album - which accounts for my initial disappointment in this album, I suppose I was spoiled by the general heavyness of the  last effort. 

The lyrics for this band just seem to get more and more cryptic and just take the listener everywhere within the span of a four minute song, with little sense of direction unless within the context of the verse itself. No sense of actual story, which is a far cry from albums made only five years ago. I'm usually very sticky when it comes to lyrics as I love trying to find a meaning and a way to attach myself to make the songs personal. This is in the entire opposite direction - which could be why it intrigues me so much. I have to truly take my own meanings from the lyrics to appreciate them.

in my heart, you'll never love again

Let's see, nothing of note really happened Monday or Tuesday.. Fucked up my sleeping pattern really good and haven't been to class all week. Generally depressed for the most part, went to the psychiatrist for the medication I never take. My eyes are currently so blurry. I ate too much tonight also.

Spent the last two nights with Ryan, watching three hours of BJW Deathmatch Wars, and playing 5 NOD missions in Command and Conquer 3. I've seen Kat twice this week also, for short periods due to her grounding.

The past few nights, late at night, as it's 5 AM now as I write this.. I'm going to pray for one morning with no fighting, so maybe just maybe I can sleep in and catch up properly. Today's morning mishap involved my brothers attempting homicide on one another... again. It's pathetic, and it's all over drugs. And people wonder why I don't "smoke a little pot" ?  Does that answer your question. People come to "need" it and it's no longer for fun, to escape the real world for a couple of hours. No thanks, come again.

I'm seeing Heaven Shall Burn, The Ghost Inside and Embrace the End this Saturday - should definitely be fun. I really need to work on my correspondence, I hate procrastinating, but it's so easy. Bleh, I'll get started tomorrow.. I'd have more done if my computer didn't die on me 17 hours ago. Son of a bitch.


Fluorescent Lighttubes Death Match: Jun Kasai, Yuko Miyamoto & Saburo Inematsu vs. Takashi Sasaki, Shadow WX & Abdullah Kobayashi (02/26/07)
Miyamoto stole the fucking show in this one, getting his ass handed to him repeatedly by Sasaki and Kobayashi. This is my first time seeing Saburo and I wasn’t offended surprisingly. Ryan and I got a kick out of Shadow WX killing people repeatedly with lariats. Jun Kasai of course killed himself on more than one occasion. The entire purpose was to build up Miyamoto for Sasaki on 3/14, and it did a perfect job. Miyamoto’s lighttubes didn’t break on the first moonsault, so on the second try he murdered WX with them.

Takashi Sasaki & Shadow WX vs. Daisuke Sekimoto & Abdullah Kobayashi (BJW, 03/04/07)
This one was a straight wrestling match, with my not-so-favourite Sekimoto. Lots of chops to the throat in this one, and Sasaki throwing wild kicks. I don’t recall Kobayashi doing very much, and this one went to the fifteen minute time limit. After the match, Sekimoto does a bridge with fat Kobayashi sitting on his chest. Weird.

School of Death Fluorescent Lighttubes Death Match: "Black Angel" Jaki Numazawa & Yuko Miyamoto vs. Jun Kasai & isami (BJW, 03/04/07)
isami looks like he weighs 95 pounds, so I readily assume he’s going to get right pounded into throwing salt. I assume School of Death means this is isami’s first deathmatch. So of course Numazawa introduces him by smashing 2 lighttubes over his head 8 different times. Miyamoto gets the pinfall on the n00b, while the champ Sasaki looks on. Very nice build so far to the title match upcoming. I wanna see upstart Miyamoto win the belt!!

The Fantastics vs. Dutch Mantell & Bill Dundee (Bullwhip On A Pole MatcH) (10/4/85)
This was pretty incredible after watching everyone go 25-60 minutes on the last disc. Just a fast-paced fight, everyone doing what they had to do to get that whip. I loved Dutch climbing over Tommy Rogers as he was hooked up in the ropes. Eddie Gilbert showing up out of nowhere and destroying them with the whip. I popped for the chairshot to Hot Stuff's face  I popped even harder for Dundee's totally unnecessary bump over the railing that was just awesome. Also mention goes to J.R. for calling this with so much intensity and really putting the whole thing over.

Let's see, I've been meaning to re-download the Nick Drake album "Five Leaves Left" because it's such a relaxing album, and very different. It's almost atmospheric, but I've lost touch with it recently, so I shall update this once I have it in my possession again....

Everyday feels like ~FOREVER~
 Jeremy Landry. Toronto. Ontario. Cold chicken.


I've been in Toronto for the better part of the last 40 hours. The engine to my Aunt's van died in my parking lot. Strange enough. We drop my brothers off and head out to Toronto as I ignore their conversations in favor of my headphones with my legs up on the seat. I hate rainy days. Friday night was spent basically ignoring the TV and just telling random stories of my Uncle's teenage years, and random fucked up portions of my family history. I had a good laugh at some of the stories, while others made me question how my Uncle Dave is still alive. Had to go out into the garage to grab a mattress.. Which apparently had gotten chewed through (who knew? ha!) by random animals over the years. So as I watch my Aunt toss the mattress across the garage - this animal out of the corner of my eye lunges at me, and it turns out to be a squirrel living in the garage, it dove off the ledge of the door right into my shoulder and damn near gave me a heart attack. I have the scratch to prove it. So we settled for a different cushion to lay on and I ended my Friday evening festivities around 3 AM. I slept for a good ten or eleven hours and crawled out of bed at 2 PM on Saturday.

So my Uncle and I decide to trip to his friends to grab some movies to watch for the evening, we get there and chat for a good two hours, with more hilarious insults and stories from work (animal control court cases) so I'm quite entertained. Quick stop at Tim Horton's as my Uncle lights up his joint, and we are back in the living room by 6 PM. My Aunt Jean decides to order us chicken from Popeye's for dinner as we put on "The Mist" for the first movie of the evening. My Uncle passed out as my Grandma and I watched a surprisingly depressing little horror flick. Certainly good movie though. Up next was "Bordertown" about a human sacrifice cult in Mexico. Fuck yes. Had a Texas Chainsaw Massacre vibe to it - except based on true events. Never a truly boring moment. So I'd definitely say it was 3.5 hours well spent. I then flicked on the last two periods of the Montreal/Boston hockey game. Overtime hockey gives me a heart attack. Make note of it. After that near-death experience, I watch more hockey until I notice a Wayne Dyer seminar beginning at 11 PM. So my Uncle wakes up and watches about an hour of it with myself and my Grandmother. So many concepts and ideas, I really need to finish that book...

I jump online around 1:45 AM to find more drama in my life than I'd like. So I've made my stand and made most parties known of this. I know who lies, and I know the effect of these lies, and it makes me regret saying hello back then - but hey what can I do now? Like I explained, character and reputation are two different things. I only control my character and I'd much prefer to be judged upon that rather than 76% bullshit lies told about me - especially to make someone look in a better light than myself. Isn't it amazing how much a story changes once you hear it from the source? But hey, who am I to know a thing about that?! I swore off drama in my life almost two years ago, and people know how quickly I am to drop someone like a sack of doorknobs if there's a bit too much drama (bitch about Lord of the Rings and you hit the door especially fast!) Life is too fucking short to give a fuck about who said what and how they feel about when. I'm definitely not going to be around forever - but I'm here today - so if that matters enough, then I need to be shown this fact. So I'll let people make up their minds, all I have to do is detach myself from the outcome.

Also - the Watts Set deadline might be slightly extended - and I'm still 80+ matches away from finishing which is over half the set. So expect me not to be online very much - if you're important you already have my number. If not, then fuck you.

Word of warning: Last time I was a dirty little secret... I exposed it in the most blatant way possible.

My advice? Stop telling two tales.


Daisuke Sekimoto vs. Ryuji Sai (Zero One-Max 9/30/07)

I hated the running spots in the crowd, but ai made up for it by driving his feet into the chest of the annoying Sekimoto off the bleachers. I can't tell if this is clipped or not, but the pacing seems weird. Sai throws a nice springboard dropkick, and Sekimoto pisses me off by no-selling it and throwing a lariat. For fuck sakes, it's less than six minutes into the match. Good to see Sai throw Daisuke on his head and he stays down for more than two seconds. Double-stomps from the top rope simply annoy the fuck out of me. Sai's offense of slaps and kicks looks like shit. Nice transition from O'Connor roll into the delayed German suplex in the closest two-count I've seen in ages. Sekimoto puts this one away with the third delayed German. As expected - five minutes was clipped. Decent enough match but it felt like the heat segment was missing to make the nearfalls

Shadow WX vs. Yuko Miyamoto (BJW 3/24/08)

So this is labeled as a "Moonlight Darkness Fluorescent Lighttube Boards +alpha Death Match" and Miyamoto is in white. This could get very interesting.The second the bell rings, they hit the lights, and the only lights available are the fact they plugged in each of the lighttube boards in the corners of the ring. Miyamoto goes for a dive early and practically misses WX and takes out the front row. They brawl in the crowd (covered in darkness) and I can't see shit for the nex two or so minutes. Miyamoto is back in the ring, so I can assume WX is getting beer - nope, he wanders in the other entrance and into the ring. Miyamoto dumps a bunch of half lemons in the ring and this peaked my interest because I haven't seen lemons in a deathmatch in at least a few years. He decides to be the ultimate dick and spits lemon juice into the forehead wound of Shadow WX.

Miyamoto gets tossed into the fourth row, and I can't see shit again, but I can hope he landed on someone and caused them level 5 damage. And as they brawl outside the ring, some asshole trips over the power cord to the lighttubes, now I really can't see a fucking thing. I'd be asking for my Yen back if I paid for a ticket to this show. Miyamoto is bleeding everywhere and WX has a bucket in the ring. I assume it's more lemons because he squirts something into the bloody face of Miyamoto. Vey nice first bump into the lightttubes by WX. Creative re-reversal into the opposite corner makes them go boom, and cancerous gases are released into the lungs of 150 or so BJW fans. Lovely. Miyamoto uses one too many lighttubes, which causes WX to get right pissed, rip off his shirt *smart move in a lighttube match?* and take Miyamoto's head off with a lariat, into a crossface *insert Chris Benoit comment here*

Awesome visual of Miyamoto hitting a German suplex with just the silhouettes being visible in front of the lighttubes. Another fucking double stomp from the top rope. Fuck that noise. Running powerbomb into the opposite lighttubes by WX. Payback's a bitch - problem is I can't see shit since now there's only 4 lighttubes lit for the entire fucking ring. Great idea in concept, it looks pretty but it kills the idea of smashing the lighttubes. Miyamoto hits a pretty moonsault with the third set of lighttubes - and it was awesome watching it go dark upon impact. One set left - Fuck I hope they turn on the lights soon. WX turns him inside out with a clothesline and it's 5:20 AM and I'm watching two Japanese men bleed on each other in almost pitch black darkness.. Yeah, I'm a sick puppy. Oh, so I was wrong, that second bucket didn't have lemons... It had salt. Even better for that sliced up flesh on their back.

Okay, what the fuck - WX places the last lighttube in the middle of the ring, picks him up for a brainbuster and the light burns out before he drops him on it - so I can't even see if Miyamoto kicks out? Lame. Oh WX grabs another set of lit up tubes. And this set flickers, what the fuck is going on. Another two count..on something I couldn't see. Oh wait, Miyamoto had a roll up, oh shit he just got the tubes clotheslined into him and he kicked out. And a fourth clothesline finishes him off. WX gets the win in 17 minutes... Thank fuck for people with flash photography or else I'd never known what happened in the last sixty seconds.


The Ghost Inside has a new album out in three days, and I managed to obtain a copy of this album since I'm seeing them live in a week. It's 5:30 AM and I'm giving my thoughts on hardcore CD's? Actually upon first listen a few days ago, this didn't really stand out from the other stuff I listen to, but as I was in the backseat of my Aunt's truck, I had a chance to focus on the album a bit more, and as I listen to it right now. Upon slightly closer listening conditions, the rhythem and guitar work mostly really comes through strong. The album cover sucks - just my opinion - ( ) but the music is definitely heavy and consistent, and I don't ask for much more in a hardcore band. Catchy breakdown section in track 5 "The Brave" also. My only noticeable complaint would be the vocals seem too straight-forward with no depth to the screaming. Otherwise, the guitars hook you in this album.

starting to fashion an idea in my head..
Jeremy Landry. Oshawa. Canada. Tired.


So as fate would have it, I wound up in class around noon to write my Parenting exam. Lame as it was, I still got 81% on it. Passed the course barely, due to a lack of attendance and classwork? Hm.
Had an interesting conversation with Kelsi about what we want for our lives. She wants to live in high society and have a six-figure job to pay for all the really nice things she wants... She also can't seem to grasp the fact that I don't want to live beyond what I have. I'll never want more than what I have, I don't see the point in always wanting-wanting-wanting. Serves no purpose to me, because I'm perfectly okay with what I have right now. Amusing chat, to say the least.
I spoke with my Aunt about random things such as the new Alan Jackson CD and how much winter sucks. She invited me to Toronto for the weekend. So no new updates until Monday at the earliest. Sucks for you.
Then I went to the Legion Hall for my first GCW event since February. As expected the rumours of my jump to IWA-Ontario were high, and I turned them all down. It was good being there again, it's just this feeling of knowing everyone there, and seeing them on a semi-regular basis. I got to watch an absolutely incredible main event that left me speechless, as you'll read below (hint: it was in a cage) so a very interesting day we had by me. No new emotional developments today, so that's good also.


Sebastian Suave and Steve Brown (accompanied by me!) vs. Rico Montana and Red Dragon (GCW 4/10/08)
I managed Sebastian and huge Steve Brown against gigantic Rico Montana and this Red Dragon character who basically existed to make Sebastian look good. The crowd was on my case all night, and I loved it. One monent included the crowd making reference to me being single - to which I yelled back "I HAVE FIVE WIVES."  It was such a good comment that it got brought up to me repeatedly after the show. I also gyrated my hips at some girl who wouldn't stop heckling me. She laughed hysterically. Well it's better than the "Jamie Transvestite" chant they had going last time... The end came when Sebastian tripped up the Red Dragon, which prompted Rico to chase Sebastian and myself with murderous intent in his eyes, while Steve Brown squished poor Dragon to give my team the win. After the match he really looked none-too-pleased with us.

Steel Cage Match for the GCW Tag Team Titles:
Hayden Avery and Cody Deaner vs. The Flatliners (GCW, 4/10/08)
Holy shit. This was just incredible. Six months of build. Longer if you consider the fact Deaner and Hayden tried to kill each other for 7 months last year. Finally the huge blowoff to the biggest feud in Ontario Indy Wrestling today.. inside a steel cage. Could Hayden and Deaner reclaim the tag belts they lost in November? This match seriously had me excited and I had butterflies. I was not disappointed. This was just a fight, exactly what it should have been. Lots of blood. Hayden almost got backdropped right over the fucking cage in what looked seriously deadly. The crowd was on their feet literally screaming each time Hayden and Deaner came close to crawling out the door. I was truly excited just watching it. So much emotion within this 25 minute period. Everyone bleeding. Deaner got literally launched like a rocket face-first into the steel cage. The end came when after Hayden and Matt Burns were on the floor. Deaner and Asylum were both perched on top of the cage. First man to the floor wins for his team. The crowd was electric as Deaner connected with a kick that sent Asylum back into the ring, and the building was literally shaking when Deaner jumped to the floor. Plus "Pour Some Sugar On Me" is just an absolute mammoth theme song for these guys. Honestly, when their music hit before they even came to the ring, I felt like this match belonged on Pay Per View in front of  way more than 200 people. It was that intense.

Ryuji Yamaguchi vs. Akihiko Ito (NOAH 3/29/08)
Every student match needs a good boston crab in Japan, and this is definitely an opening student match, but fuck I prefer it over the lame comedy matches for the past seven years. I don't like fighting spirit one-count-kickouts in my opening match, thank you. Decent enough suplex for the win by Yamaguchi.


The only album I really listened to today that's new is the first five or six tracks from Mendeed's album "The Dead Live By Love" and this album is certainly good. Not too heavy on the screaming, and the music isn't relentless to the point where it's no longer enjoyable. Honestly, the music almost takes a back step to the vocals, which is certainly not a complaint from me. Not afraid to slow the tempo down either, yet pick right back up with an threatening guitar riff. Definitely something I'm going to spend more time listening to. I also love the track "Our War" - just catchy fucking metal.

I should pick up a thing or two
Jeremy Landry. Oshawa. Ontario. Canada. Earth.

Slept in -again- and missed class. I think I've gone one day in April. No matter, as I'll still pass this course. Exam tomorrow morning. Fuck children. Also, GCW's Game Over 2008 is tomorrow, and I'll find out if Dave told anyone about my *alleged* jump to IWA-Ontario All Pro. Or if I get to manage Sebastian Suave tomorrow. Either way, I'll dress nicely enough.
Been tired all day, and I cashed my tax return for a bit of pocket cash. Walked over to DASS and chatted with Andy momentarily, and we decided I needed to work on some things, as he's been going through a rough time himself. So for just under two and a half hours, we chatted, studied and worked on my math correspondence. Two hours well-spent.
Chatted with Kat today, about nothing of any importance, though I made mention of my growing disdain of the world wide web and how it's corrupted this generation. I listen to my mother tell her stories about the parties and the drugs and the fun she's had. It felt like a life lived. As for my last 6 years? 76% of it has been in front a computer screen, and that bothers me. I haven't met a girlfriend away from the computer in over two years.
So I decided to change things about my life a little bit. I watched approximately four hours of playoff hockey tonight, and that was thoroughly exciting for a change - as I haven't been interested in hockey since the summer of 2004. I'm going to continue reading the Troy trilogy by David Gemmell that's been collecting dust since Christmas.
I've been spending a lot of time with Ryan, Tricia, Chris Moore, Mandy and Kat. So big thanks to all of you on that, as last weekend was a rough one for me. I don't expect to see Mandy for another six months, but that's okay. My poor fucking thumbnail.
I'm also just over 80 matches away from finishing up the DVDVR Watts 80's Project... Did I mention I have to finish it within 3-4 weeks? Yeah. Less computer time, jackass. I know.

All I truly watched today was 15 minutes of Dick Murdoch vs. Butch Reed, and they go 40 minutes. Murdoch slipped into the hammerlock and it was fucking glorious. No punches in the first 12 minutes and I am sad. I know it gets better soon. The brawling aftermath should be glorious. Did I mention there's a rematch on this set also? Fuck YES~!!!

9 days until the Heaven Shall Burn/The Ghost Inside/Embrace The End concert. Fuck yes. Metalcore for the win. Fuck you if you disagree. I'm older than you. I'll listen to you once I've forgotten my name. Much thanks to Kat for sending me some loud music recently. I've been drawn into the new album by bloodsimple "Red Harvest" definitely one of the catchiest albums I've heard in a good long while.
Also my idea to spend $18 on the new In Flames album might come back to bite me in the ass if I end up hating it. Some songs are growing on me, but fuck it feels like a rehash of Soundtrack To Your Escape (not that it's a bad thing - but fuck Come Clarity sure sounds a lot better these days)
Last night laying in Ryan's bed, I popped the latest album by As Cities Burn and the two tracks I listened to were very different, it was clear yet distorted, not angry but thoughtful. So earlier this evening, I tossed on the rest of the album and I could see myself enjoying it for a long while to come... At least longer than "A Sense of Purpose"  heh..

Overrated Families
All I'm going to be dealing with from now on are ideas and honesty.

Is it ever too late to start a personal revolution or how about a worldwide one in the making? What if that personal revolution IS one that's worldwide? Well, the answer is yes, there can be a time when it's too late. Which is why I'm done with the tears and the insults and being the one sitting by idly watching life pass me by. From now on, these tears are replaced with a flame that will never be extinguished. I have none of you to thank for this re-awakening. Some of you I do respect. Some of you I don't really care if I ever fucking speak to again. Because I finally not only know who I am, but I FEEL who I am, and for once it's real.

Not only am I doing this for myself, not for any of you (except the few who truly understand - who of course don't even know this piece of writing exists) I am also doing this for a future generation, who I don't want to have to deal with the absolute travesty that this fucking generation is headed towards creating. I look around and wonder to myself.. THIS is the generation to run this world in twenty more years? I think not. We're creating the mess. We are the transitional generation that our parents didn't bother saving. Who's to blame? A lot of things are, but mostly the lack of the realization by people my age. The realization that this is life and you have as much control as you want. You need to TAKE that control from anyone who opposes you. You need to realize just how much you can do, because a difference will be made.

From now on, you're either with me, or you're against me. I'm sick of being some stupid motherfucker who lets the world walk on him. I have views and thoughts and emotions and a strong idea. I'm going to let that idea be heard through these words. And take whatever you will from these words, they are here for the taking. But don't dissect me and read between the lines, because I'm comfortable with a lack of understanding by all of you.

This past week I've spent more than my fair share of time alone in this room. Certainly not by choice, but as I scrolled through my MSN list for the thousandth time, I noticed most of my good "friends" off busy for the millionth time. Which is fine by me, but why wait for a million and one when I feel much more comfortable with a FUCK YOU!

What sparked this you ask? There's clues in upcoming entries. See if you figure it out. Another topic I'd just love to touch on at the moment is the aspect of family. What, by definition is family?  A group of people that make you feel included? This insane idea that you have any kind of attachment to two people because they decided to have sex? So many teenagers have children and it's fucking ridiculous, because -NONE- of them are planned. But sure love them the same and I'll watch you all fail, because you were all uneducated and unmotivated from the start. And we all know history repeats.

But as for family, it makes me question, what sort of qualifications does it make to grow from failure to family? Or even the other way around. The other disadvantage of sitting around this past week is my ears are delicately tuned to the sounds of this hours, and it's been very constant, yelling, screaming, banging, insults, denial. I even had the privilege of seeing it with my own two eyes. As my own mother's eyes slowly drifted away this weekend, as she embarrassed me while having dinner in public. My fists were shaking, and in a remarkable state of control, I kept calm and tried to ignore it and left immediately after. I don't hate her for she doesn't know what she's doing. I hate the situation because I don't know what it's going to take for her to get the fucking help she needs. Then as I was leaving, my stepdad decides to mention WrestleMania, in a cheery tone, as my mother in the background reminds me that my stepdad cuts me up every chance I'm not around. You know what? That's fine with me. I'm quite confident in the fact that as each day passes, this concept of family knows and understands even less about the oldest son in the household. That's comforting. Fuck them.

"Love doesn't save.. Nothing saves"
~Jimmy Jacobs
September 15th, 2007

Such a powerful quote in such short words. You're taught that love is sometimes the savior of it all and makes it all feel better. Love doesn't last. Everything is temporary. What happens when you feel nothing at all. Does love save? Fuck no. But that's okay, it's a pipedream force fed to all of us at a young age, especially when we see our parents all happy and in love.. What the fuck happens when you didn't even get that pipedream idea and all you can remember is them screaming? And when it hasn't stopped for twenty-three goddamn years. Where's the love? Nowhere. People never learn. Society are slaves to routine because they fear change. Love requires changes and chances. Two of life's most feared components. Combine it with forgiveness and it's clearly impossible.

I now know that I'm not alone, I found that out tonight. But it's not about love. It's about a common understanding and a common goal. I found it through my favourite escape, and now it's lead me to realize I no longer need to escape. I've never been fond of a revolution, but what generation has ever needed it more than the sorry state of one that exists now?

If you understand then tell me you believe. If not, then you have my sympathy but not my help.



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